Khatola Tribune

Municipal officials sealed a commercial building that belongs to Kapil Dev, for violating regulations. In the processes, Delhi’s fine policemen spent a few hours prowling about in a fishtank, trying to serve legal notices to goldfish.
These creatures, it turns out, have little respect for the law.

But it was in the showroom opposite This That ? on the front side of the building ? that the source of the trouble lay. A sunken aquarium with a fibreglass top on the floor of the electrical goods shop was home to 50 goldfish.

If the property was sealed, the fish would die. The corporation officials had brought along policemen to overcome any resistance, but had not thought of fishing nets. So they rolled up their trousers, went down on all fours and removed the fibreglass top, planning to use their hands instead. The fish clearly had other plans.

?We have been waiting since morning for them to catch the fish,? said sub-inspector Dilip Singh. ?But when they try to catch them, they swim to the other side.?

Kapil falls from the skies

Cop rapes teenager; his neighbours wonder, what made him do it?

Anant More, a relative said: ?Sunil hasn?t visited this village for a long time. Being in Mumbai, he must have taken to bad habits. Here, if anyone smokes or drinks, we cut off half his moustache so that he remembers the punishment. Sunil has never lived with us, and good qualities are sadly lacking in him, which is why he was drunk.?

But then again –
(more…)

For some reason, India’s populations manages to grow in spite of
all this.

Piyush (29) and his 24-year-old wife were one of the Mumbai couples.

When they vowed celibacy yesterday, their marriage was only 68 days old. Piyush said he never wanted to get married, but gave in to pressure from his family.

When he got married in February, he discussed his brahmcharya plan with his wife.

Also featured — Religious Lady Chooses to Sleep With Mother-in-law.

Chandresh, from Rajasthan, has been married for two years and doesn?t have any children.

He said yesterday, ?We have ended our relationship as man and wife. To me, she is like a sister.? Chandresh said his wife and him will sleep separately from now on. Chandresh will sleep in the hall while his wife will share a room with his mother.

Oh no.

Police officials admit they?ve seen an increase in the number of robberies that involve hypnosis in the past year.

Says Tukaram Chavan, additional commissioner of police, north region, ?I have heard about many cases of this kind. We have caught a few criminals who have robbed old women of gold ornaments, but there are a few cases that we haven?t been able to crack, as those thieves don?t have a previous record. Also, victims have difficulty identifying them.?

He adds, ?Robbers use mind-control techniques as they are easy to execute and don?t involve weapons. The returns, too, are high.?

Trance bandits

Bridegroom-to-be is shocked to realise he is actually a female.

Raju was diagnosed with ambiguous genitalia when he was a child but his parents thought they would take care of it after his marriage.

Oh boy! He is actually a girl!- The Times of India

PATNA: He was considered one of the band of boys who were mopping up Bihar. But even that tag didn’t envisage taking on the toughest of the state’s politicians.

….

He has his quirks. Anil has been paying about Rs 50,000 as income-tax for the last few years as he does not go for LIC policies and other such investments. “If I make investments, what will be left with me,” he had once told reporters.

Where else but in The Times of India

…against marriage.

Amita, a Class VII student, now heads a band of girls, scampering around, getting signatures for a petition against child marriages.
…

Some of the young rebels motivated other minors to resist the wedding plans made by their parents on teej.

In a unique initiative, the girls have formed a “Kishori Vahini” and are visiting villages, urging their ?sisters? to reject marriage proposals. They have also collected over 1,000 ?oath papers? from minor girls saying they would not marry till they are 18. The oath papers are authenticated by the area sub-divisional magistrates and prominently displayed in their ?drawing rooms?.

Little tribal girls rise up against marriage- The Times of India

True, that’s all she ever says anyway. It is not
known
whether she added a “Muhahaha” for effect.

“I have to work like Arjuna. I cannot see who is my own or who is on the other side - I will only kill,” announced the former Madhya Pradesh chief minister dramatically.

The glam girl of the religious right revealed that her inner child is nine years old, and will be extruded forth to be dispatched to the mountains. The outer shell is the “mature politician” who has other fish to fry.

“I don’t want to harm my family, but when the family becomes big, everyone has to be accommodated. Otherwise there will be problems.” …

… “Arjuna had to use weapons against his own family members,” she said. “I had not asked for any post, only some work, but I was told that there is no work for me. I was kept away from the garden, which I nurtured with my sweat and toil.”

Never keep a politician away from the garden.

Just the sort of awesome byline we have come to expect from The Slimes of India. When these dudes run out of half-naked women (admittedly quickly in apna bharat), the resort right away to stuff like ” NEW DELHI: The universe is one”.

Which is a big relief, because I was seriously beginning to wonder fi the universe was seventeen, you know. Or 42, even.

NEW DELHI: The universe is one. It is merely our perception which causes us to see differences - be it in human beings, their colour, nature, and even time and space.

The BJP government in Madhya Pradesh frowns upon the drinking of Pepsi and Coca Cola in assorted “holy towns”.

Suppressing the market BJP predilection for cow urine and human blood,

The chief minister also declared that soft drinks sold by multinationals like Pepsi and Coca-Cola must not be served at official events in these places and should be replaced with butter milk, lassi and shrikhand.

No word on Morarji Cola so far.